What INFPs need to be happy

What do we need to be happy?

It’s hard to find happiness, especially for me. I’m a person who’s never satisfied and wants more,more and more but here there are the thing that could make us feel definitely better.

1) A deep understanding of who we are.

We often feel lost and we ask ourselves a lot of questions such as “Am I truly myself?” What’s my purpose in life?” “Will I be successful?” and so on.

2)New ideas to explore.

Analysing new possibilities males us extremely euphoric. We care about the “what ifs” and not what is now. We approach to life with an experimental attitude, always on the lookout for new experiences. We see every experience as an opportunity to grow and improve ourselves.

3)Creativity.

I’ve noticed a lot of INFPs are extremely good at writing, create symbolisms or composing music. I think it’s our need to express the deeper parts of ourselves. Without creativity, we could feel hollow and empty. I don’t know how I would live without writing.

4)Time alone.

Sometimes we are mistaken for extroverts, due to our excellent abilities to communicate. However, we are truly introverts who need plenty of the alone time to recharge. Time to daydream, relax and to pursue our creative interests. Without it, we feel disconnected from ourselves.

5) Human understanding.

We don’t crave social contact, we crave human understanding. We want to know everything about the person in front of us and connect to him/her, we hate superficial friendships. Without close relationships, we could be definitely unhappy.

6)Freedom to dream.

When we dream, we dream big. My ex boyfriend limited every dream I had because it was impossible, according to him. When I used to say something about my dream house, he started telling me only why I couldn’t but never how I could achieve my dream-which is actually annoying. I understand when you talk about facts but we shouldn’t let them limit our minds. Can’t I use all the possibilities I find on my way?

I found a beautiful article that could help us to be happier and more successful. Check this link.

Stefania

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INFPs as lovers

I will quote what I found here because it’s scarily accurate..

“INFPs feel tremendous loyalty and commitment to their relationships. With the Feeling preference dominating their personality, harmony and warm feelings are central to the INFP’s being. They feel a need to be in a committed, loving relationship. If they are not involved in such a relationship, the INFP will be either actively searching for one, or creating one in their own minds.

INFPs’ tendency to be idealistic and romantically-minded may cause them to fantasize frequently about a “more perfect” relationship or situation. They may also romanticize their mates into having qualities which they do not actually possess. Most INFPs have a problem with reconciling their highly idealistic and romantic views of life with the reality of their own lives, and so they are constantly somewhat unsettled with themselves and with their close personal relationships. However, the INFP’s deeply-felt, sincere love for their mates and their intense dislike of conflict keeps the INFP loyal to their relationships, in spite of their troubles achieving peace of mind.

Unlike other types who tend to hold their mates up on a pedastal, the INFP’s tendency to do so does not really turn into a negative thing in the relationship. INFPs hold tightly to their ideals, and work hard at constantly seeing their mates up on that pedastal. The frequent INFP result is a strongly affirming, proud and affectionate attitude towards their mates which stands the test of time.

INFPs are not naturally interested in administrative matters such as bill-paying and house-cleaning, but they can be very good at performing these tasks when they must. They can be really good money managers when they apply themselves.

Sexually, the INFP is likely to be initially slow to open up to their mates. Once their trust has been earned, the INFP will view sexual intimacy as an opportunity for expressing their deep-seated love and affection. More than the actual sexual act, they will value giving and receiving love and sweet words. With their tendency to enjoy serving others, they may value their mates satisfaction above their own.

One real problem area for the INFP is their intensive dislike of conflict and criticism. The INFP is quick to find a personal angle in any critical comment, whether or not anything personal was intended. They will tend to take any sort of criticism as a personal attack on their character, and will usually become irrational and emotional in such situations. This can be a real problem for INFPs who are involved with persons who have Thinking and Judging preferences. “TJ”s relate to others with a objective, decisive attitude that frequently shows an opinion on the topic of conversation. If the opinion is negative, the TJ’s attitude may be threatening to the INFP, who will tend to respond emotionally to the negativity and be vaguely but emphatically convinced that the negativity is somehow the INFP’s fault.

For INFPs with extremely dominant Feeling preferences who have not developed their Intuitive sides sufficiently to gather good data for their decision making processes, their dislike of conflict and criticism can foretell doom and gloom for intimate relationships. These INFPs will react with extreme emotional distress to conflict situations, and will not know what to do about it. Since they will have no basis for determining what action to take, they will do whatever they can to get rid of the conflict – which frequently means lashing out irrationally at others, or using guilt manipulation to get their mates to give them the positive support that they crave. This kind of behavior does not bode well for healthy, long-term relationships. Individuals who recognize this tendency in themselves should work on their ability to take criticism objectively rather than personally. They should also try to remember that conflict situations are not always their fault, and they’re definitely not the end of the world. Conflict is a fact of life, and facing it and addressing it immediately avoids having to deal with it in the future, after it has become a much larger problem.

INFPs are very aware of their own space, and the space of others. They value their personal space, and the freedom to do their own thing. They will cherish the mate who sees the INFP for who they are, and respects their unique style and perspectives. The INFP is not likely to be overly jealous or possessive, and is likely to respect their mate’s privacy and independence. In fact, the INFP is likely to not only respect their mate’s perspectives and goals, but to support them with loyal firmness.

In general, INFPs are warmly affirming and loving partners who make the health of their relationships central in their lives. Although cautious in the beginning, they become firmly loyal to their committed relationships, which are likely to last a lifetime. They take their relationships very seriously, and will put forth a great deal of effort into making them work”

Stefania

INFPs as friends

INFPs are hard to keep but, when they stay, they do it for all their lives.

They’re complicated: they crave the depth of mutual human understanding and they’re excellent at reading into other’s feelings but they don’t provide others the same insight into themselves. They will always be there as an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on or a warm body to hug. This means they’re putting their friend’s need before their own. This could lead to disappointment when their friends don’t do the same. INFPs could feel used and try to detach themselves from their friends. Their Ne is good for resolving friends’ problems. They brainstorm about it and ponder the solutions. They play the “therapist role” most of the times. They can often help people but not themselves.

Sometimes, it seems they’re easy to get along with, they look like extroverts but ut could only be a facade (not in a negative way). It seems easy to be friend with them but it not true.

For INFPs, friendship is earned. They need to understand if you’re a good person, how you think or what your values are. It’s like they have a shield to protect themselves, a shield hard too break. They need to know if they can share their deepest secretes with a trusted person. Once they love someone, they trust them completely. They don’t want to be betrayed or be disappointed so they need to protect themselves first.

Even though they open up, they will maintain their enigmatic qualities. They will need to disappear for a while and get concentrated on their needs and feelings.

It’s hard to get along with us but it’s worth it.

-Stefania

INFP problems

Here there’s a list of the things we struggle with. If you are like us, share the article!

Well, let’s start.

1)Procrastination.

I’m good at thinking about my projects and organising them but…doing what I planned? Ha ha ha

My tendency to procrastination has caused too many problems so, this summer, I’m forcing myself to get out of my bed and get things done (unbelievable eh?).

I often struggle with long term projects because I get bored and I’m really lazy so I’m forcing myself to make lists and do all the things I wrote about. When I feel bad and I don’t want to do anything, I remind myself why I’m doing this and I try to work for 5 minutes. After those 5 minutes, I just keep going on without any problem. You should try, it’s definitely worth it!

2)Getting a career.

Getting a career is overwhelming. I hate common jobs like sitting in a chair for all the day, doing the same thing all over again. The thought of it makes me extremely depressed so I just decided to choose an unconventional path. I don’t want to fit in and do what everyone else is doing, it would be the death of me.

3) We have problems to get over the past

(Look up Fi-Si loop)

We also struggle with leaving unhealthy relationships and we often get hurt so easily. We think he/she could be better, we are hopeful about it but well….you know, people don’t change.

4)We have hard times expressing our emotions.

We often choose isolation over talking and resolving our problems. We are also often scared of them so we just hide in our rooms hoping they will just disappear, somehow.

5)We are extremely stubborn.

I can argue for 2 days just to prove my point.

6) We are hard to know.

My classmates ignored my existence for one year.

7)Creativity.

We are extremely creative but we’re scared to share it with the world. I guess it’s because we are extremely sensitive to criticism.

8)High hopes

But we never get things done. My book is still waiting for me.

9)We get excited about relationships

But we become negative and unsure of what we want.

10) Perfectionism.

We are perfectionist so we often don’t give ourselves enough credit.

11) Obsession.

We can become obsessed with our bodies and also forget to take care of it (this works with pretty much everything we’re obsessed with).

12)We are too hard on ourselves.

13)According to someone, we are one of the most genuine, important people they have but we don’t see it.

14)They say we are messy.

Hey, I can find everything in that mess. It’s an organised mess.

15) Negative thinking.

We think about the worst possible outcome that has 0.0001% chance of actually happening. Honestly? This helps me not to get disappointed and..don’t deny it, it could truly happen.

16) Extreme moodiness.

We can go from acting like a boos to hate ourselves in 10 seconds. No way.

Watch me dancing on Marina and the diamonds thinking to be a star and then laying in my bed thinking about how ugly I am.

17)We feel like no one gets our real personality.

18) We hold grudges.

19) We get lost in possibilities.

20) Asocial.

We come off as too cold to strangers and we often get defined as “asocial”.

21) We can be highly avoidant.

22) We are attracted to sad, dark things (remember that melancholic song, eh??)

23) Spacing out.

When during a test, you just travel to another dimension.

24) Ranting.

We rant a way too much, we neve shut up.

25)Self-blame.

We think we don’t do enough. How many times I blamed myself for things I couldn’t change…

26) Sarcasm.

We use sarcasm for everything, even just to protect ourselves. We come across as extremely unfriendly and rude just to look stronger. Sometimes it’s just a part of us, nothing more (Like Holden Caulfield or Jughead Jones).

27) Small talk.

My social skills are embarrassing, I don’t even know what to say.

If you have other problems, feel free to talk about it in the comments section!

-Stefania

INFP

Fi Ne Si Te

As an INFP, you live in your inner world. You have a rich universe inside your mind and you can act accordingly. All your feelings, all your values are inside of it and you act by consequence, not matter what the rest says. Your Fi makes you concentrate on how to make the world a better place for people. Your primary goal is to find our your meaning in life. What is your purpose? What is mine? It’s a question that never leaves my mind. How can I serve the world? How can you? You are an idealist and a perfectionist. You’re driven by your goals and how you achieve them. That’s your Te, the inferior function that could help you to improve and organise your life. I know how messy you are, I am too.

You rely a lot on your intuition, especially about people. You use it both to understand and help them as much as you can. You are on a continuous mission to find the truths and hidden meanings. Every piece of knowledge you gain gets sifted through your values to see if it has any potential to help you to define or redefine your path in life. The goal is usually the same- make the world a better place/ but you (and I) often struggle to find a stable one. Our Ne makes us think about the possibilities and we end up more unsure than usual. You are often considered a good listener but extremely reserved when it comes to your feelings. You could be cold with some people but extremely warm with your closest friends. You don’t like conflict, you do everything to avoid it and you take it personally. This could appear illogical and a bit childish. On the other hand, you are a good mediator and you’re a good problem solver. You are flexible and laid-back, until one of your values is violated. You can be an aggressive defender, fighting passionately for your cause. You’re not detail oriented and your often unaware of mundane details of life maintenance. But hey, you have other talents. INFPs are usually skilled writers (not talkers though) or skilled artist in general. I’ve noticed INFPs are usually good at learning a new language, playing an instrument, drawing or at working social service professions such as counselling or teaching.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great things but, when it comes to a loop, things get quite complicated.

-Stefania

Things you shouldn’t say to INTJs

First of all, 

The INTJ is the patient visionary with a clear view of how the future should look and will work with quiet and logical determination to make it happen. INTJs love  intellectual challenges and will be stimulated by  the abstract and the complex. The INTJs love the complex, the new and untested. Facts and figures bore them, and they will be looking to see the ‘bigger picture,’ planning for the future that they create. INTJs make decisions based on rational logic, rather than emotion and they will be quite measured in their approach to other people. They generally have strong opinions, are independent of thoughts and action and have no need to verbalise them. That’s why the members of a group feel neglected or like outsiders. This can also make the INTJs seem impenetrable to others who can totally misunderstand them. They often leave a void and people often fill this  with their own assumptions and predilections, rarely positive ones. So one person may say “he’s not interested,” another may say “she doesn’t like me,” and  another “she is so full of herself”. They don’t know -or don’t understand- that we prefere talking about meaningful topics than the stupid things of a normal boring life. We’re not interested about the new style, the weather, how to wear the new pair of jeans or other people’s life. I mean, these informations are quite useless. We’re higly introverted so, the first thing you should never say to INTJs is: ”Go out, c’mon. Why don’t we make some friends? It will be funny!”NO. NEVER.

We don’t like socializing, talking about your relationships or discussing about you kissed a boy during a party, unless you’re my best friend, then I can listen to you. I know. you would say ”it’s the same thing” and, trust me, it’s not.

Second thing :  DON’T sayGo out from your head, live the moment”.

I can’t simply go out from my mind and live the moment. I have to think about the consequences of my actions, right? And fantasizing is funny. They call me excessively cautious but you don’t really know what I can do.

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Third thing: ” Don’t be so pessimistic, good things are going to happen!”

No, I’m not pessimistic, I’m realistic, I know what could happen if you continue to act like this. Stop, please. You can’t wait for these good things, you have to create them.

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Fourth thing: ” You will have an husband so learn how to cook. You will be a mother for sure! I want a nephew”.

I decide what to do in my future, I decide to marry someone, I decide to have children, you can’t control my life or my body, sincerely, you’re no one. I don’t believe in traditions, they’re useless and we don’t need them. Who should say I have to do this? Who decides for me? No tradition or religion can force us to live a life that mabe we don’t want to live. I’m not saying I will never marry (who knows?) but I don’t want to live a normal life. I want to succeed, to be someone, not just the simple housewife (no offence). Being an INTJ woman in this world is so hard. (The 0,9%).6360371737672662741188562165_intj.jpg

Fifth thing: ”Pray, have faith. You can’t control your life, HE can”

Who?? An illusion?? A lot of INTJs are religious but this doesn’t apply to me. I can control my life, even if it’s not entirely mine, because we are part of an enviroment and everything is connected but NOT because someone in the sky decides for me. Why should I pray? Why can’t I just act like I want to?

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Sixth thing: ” Be polite, be kind, don’t offend people. You should lie sometimes to mantain the peace.”

No, sorry. The truth hasn’t to remain hidden. I don’t fake my love for you, I just can’t. Who cares about peace when you live in a lie. a55ffcffda23982518b4db580c9cc842.jpg

Seventh thing: ” You always study, you always stay alone in your room. Why don’t we go shopping?”

Studying is important, I need the things I study because everything could be useful. Studying a language is important, the new pair of jeans could wait. I could improve myself and be good in a lot of field while you remain in your ignorance.

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Eighth thing: ” Feel, don’t think. Express your feelings, tell how much you love people, hug them, don’t be antisocial!”

WHAT????????? Why should I be irrational? I keep my feelings for me and to express them I should really love you. I’m not unemotional, I’m just highly private and skeptical and I hate hugs. There’s a big difference between being asocial and antisocial, do your researches.

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Ninth thing: ‘‘Oh god are you okay??? Are you sad????? She/ He’s probably mad!”or ”Why is she/he starring at me with that face? She’s creepy..”

No, it’s just my face. I’m just thinking.

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Tenth thing: ”You can’t find solutions so easily! We need proofs!”

Do you really need to lose yourself in stupid accurate facts and data? That’s why I’m mostly right like everytime.54f4763b90db433af01f77f93e5edaae--math-patterns-intj-personality

I won’t change my identity to fit in, never and probably people will never deal with it but I really don’t care.

-Stefania

MBTI and cognitive functions.

Psychologist Carl Jung was first to observe that our brains have 8 basic, fundamental functions that it performs and that these express themselves differently in each of us. Each of us has a “dominant” function that is our strongest function and the one that comes without any effort. We have: Ni/Ne, Ti/Te, Fi/Fe, Si/Se.

Here is the link of the test: https://www.16personalities.com/

Ni: introverted intuiting;

Ne: extraverted intuiting;

Ti: introvertend thinking;

Te: extroverted thinking;

Si: introverted sensing;

Se: extroverted sensing.

First of all, we should talk about introversion and extraversion.

Extraverts are those people who talk a bit more, talk a bit louder, talk a bit faster and seem to enjoy having more people around and having more action in their lives.The definition of an extravert is someone who gets energized by having more activity in the real world. They really love staying with people 24/7 (just how??)

Introverts are those people who are more energized by being in their heads, with their own thoughts, ideas, dreams, visions etc. We love the quiet, we talk less (someone doesn’t even talk) and we don’t like parties. Too much socializing. We can’t. Maybe, there are introverts who really love going to parties but , then, they really need to stay alone to recharge the batteries. We are really judged by extraverted people and they think we can change ourselves just hanging  out everytime or finding a boyfriend. You can find us in the crowd but it happens rarely. Introversion and Extroversion.jpg

There are two worlds we all live in. The world inside of our mind which is where introverts prefer to spend most of their time, and the world external to our minds. That would be the real, physical world full of people and events. It’s the external world where extraverts prefer to spend most of their time, We have an internal world where we fantasize about everything, especially  futuristic scenarios about a war between the Dark Side and the Jedis (yes, I’m a nerd).

This depends on our brain, Some scientists discovered that introverts have more neuro chemical stimulation than extroverts. I think it all depends on the most developed emisphere. Extroverts usually use the right emisphere but, of course, it could happen that they use both the emisphere. It’s all relative, I guess.

Let’s analyse the functions.

The perceiving functions: Ne, Ni, Se, Si.

Dominant Ne:  Ne manifests as a seemingly never-ending overabundance of theories, possibilities and inventive ideas that the user is constantly picking up on.

Auxiliary Ne: Ne manifests as a plenty  of possibilities that begin to support or expand upon a thought or decision.                                                                                                          

Tertiary Ne: Ne manifests as a series of creative solutions that may go into solving a problem or achieving  a goal.                                                                                                

 Inferior Ne: Ne originally has a reluctancy to try new ways of doing things, occasionally giving way to anxiety over the unknown.

Dominant Ni: Ni manifests as a keen perception for the meaningful connections that exist between the thoughts and occurrences in the Ni-user’s environment.

Auxiliary Ni: Ni manifests as an understanding of how the person should achieve her/his goals.

Tertiary Ni: Ni manifests as the desire to optimize or perfect a skill.

Inferior Ni: Ni originally manifests as a distaste for over-analyzing what is obvious or planning for the future.

Dominant Se:the user likes to try new experience. He/She likes taking risks and he/she loves adrenaline rushes.                                                                                                            

Auxiliary Se: the user liks to be always busy, he/she can’t stay without doing anything and he/she doesn’t like quiet enviroments.

Teriarty Se: the user is really competitive and likes expensive stuff. He/she overindulges in foods and all the pleasures of life.

Inferior Se: the user can understand really well people just observing them. He/she wants to see his/her dreams becoming real.

Dominant Si: the user uses past experiences to do something in the present.

Auxiliary Si:  the  person notices even the smallest details. He/she can remember everything of a certain place.

Tertiary Si: the user feels a lot of nostalgia and he/she likes to revisit  same museums, watching the same favorite old movies, and thinking about an old idea is a lot of fun for her/him.

Inferior Si: the user  can easily forget  what he/she learned few days ago or even friend’s birthday. He/she is really random.tumblr_inline_n1im3yFgT81swdyog.jpg

The judging functions: Te, Fe, Ti, Fi.

Dominant Te:  Te manifests as the ability to clearly conceive the most effective outcomes to any given situation or problem and the ability to set the corresponding plans into action.
Auxiliary Te:  Te manifests as the ability to take concrete actions on the user’s analysis of what is the best thing to do.
Tertiary Te:  Te manifests as the ability to source whatever resources are necessary to make his/her  desire a reality.
Inferior Te: Te originally manifests as the inability to set one’s external desires or plans into motion.

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Dominant Ti:  Ti manifests as the constant identification of logical patterns that exist in ones external environment.

Auxiliary Ti: Ti manifests as the identification of how the logical systems could be manipulated to work to their advantages.

Tertiary Ti: Ti manifests as the organization of the user’s existing knowledge in a logical, systematic scheme.

Inferior Ti:   introverted thinking originally manifests as an excessively critical view of others, as it searches for objective truth.

Dominat Fe:  Fe seeks to identify what is moral and seeks for harmony.

Auxiliary Fe: Fe manifests as the urge to apply one’s understanding of situation in a way that will satisfy the desires of others.

Tertiary Fe: Fe has the ability to pick up on the motivations and emotions of those around the user. The immature Fe user  takes advantage of those feelings by manipulating them in a way that supports his/her own ends. The mature tertiary Fe user will search for a means of incorporating the needs of others into their personal plans and actions.

Inferior Fe: Fe originally manifests as the user being reluctant to  express emotional concerns, as the user cannot logically make sense of his or her own feelings.

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Dominant Fi: as a dominant function, Fi manifests as a moral compass.

Auxiliary Fi: as an auxiliary function, Fi manifests as a way of reflecting on and how the person  feels about his or her past actions.

Tertiary Fi:  Fi manifests as strong, unwavering set of morals and values  and the the person uses them to take a decision.

Inferior Fi: Fi manifests as a general antipathy for emotional expression and a fear of being judged as ‘weak’ by others.

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These are the personalities:

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To sum-up:

To all the thinkers: if you have feelings, you can still be a thinker. If you are empathic, it doesn’ mean  you are a feeler. Stop thinking you’re cool without feelings. You’re not a robot, you’re just a complex human being.

-Stefania, INTP.

There are questions but not answers

Everyone is getting on with their lives

Everyone is living but I’m dying slowly

Stuck in my pain

Blocked by my fears and insicurities.

I don’t know what should I do

How can I escape from this hell?

How can I  escape from my thoughts and the voices in my head?

I observe people everyday and I ask myself how they can live their empty life

How can they walk in the  street and not observing?

Why don’t they see what is going on in the world?

It must be funny, not being me

Not watching with my eyes

Not thinking like me

Not noticing even the smallest details.

Maybe I should live like them

With the emptiness in my heart and in my mind.

I was listening to Twenty One pilots.

-Stefania